hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
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He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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