Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
