I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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