Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
