just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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