There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
