PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
