They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
