you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
