I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
