Don't make out with my wife yet
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
