Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
