my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
