im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
