so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
