I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
