Just mADE A PArabola og urine
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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