Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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