i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
