I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
