I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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