I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
