hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
