The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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