I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
