I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
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