Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
