Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
