hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
