when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
