What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Still dying that you shit outside
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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