hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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