I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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