FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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