I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
