Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
