im drinking this country out of the recession.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
