She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
