dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
