quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
