PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
