My liver just broke up with me...
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize