Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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