Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
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Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
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Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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