miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
