My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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