im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just threw up on my dentist
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
