I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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