I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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