My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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