i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
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