I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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