i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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