I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize