Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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