I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
