Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Quick, to the slutcave!
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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