i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Did you pee in the oven last night??
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
