You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
