did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
