So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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