I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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