It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
