I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
