I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
