Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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