Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I am available for nakedness
Randomize
