This girl is more easily done than said...
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Randomize
