id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
No...this little piggys going to the bar
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
