did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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