Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
