hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Text me some of your sweat
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
