What did we do last night that was yellow?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
