get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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