I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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