Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
