i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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