She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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