You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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