Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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