the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
